I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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