I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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