I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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