I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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