So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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