my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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