im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize