I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
