history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
