No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
