I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
