last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
