you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
