drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
