somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize