I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
