I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
