ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
that is very illegal...i love you.
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