told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
