I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
