it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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