Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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