the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
