He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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