hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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