I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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