well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize