And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
