her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i would punch a child for taco bell
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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