I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i believe in u and ur pee
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