so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
