I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize