Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
