youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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