How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize