What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
