During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
