Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
