Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize