SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
