how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize