don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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