Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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