I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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