That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize