I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
