Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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