I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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