I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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