I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
