Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
