it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
