remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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