...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
