I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
