He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize