What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My vagina is very pro this idea
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
