is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
