When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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