My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
