i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
