She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
