Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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