I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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