You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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