phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
