It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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