Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
