You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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