if i died would you start the facebook group?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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