So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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