dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
