Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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