I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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