I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
