so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
