areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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